As a top administrator in higher education, you are asked, "How did a woman get this job
anyway?"
What is your most likely response?
- "Well, ahem...I guess I sort of...gee..."
- "I worked hard and earned it! Who are you to ask me a question like that?"
- "They needed someone who could make coffee, juggle three wet diapers, and balance the budget all at once, so they hired
me."
Most women answering a question with sexist overtones like this one are likely to give one of the first two responses.
The first, while being cooperative, is not assertive and fails to deal with the question's sexist insinuations.
The second answer, while assertive, alienates others.
The third, both cooperative and assertive, uses humor to educate without alienating, and shows that you have enough self-confidence
to handle uninformed questions.
The Power of Humor
Humor is an invaluable tool in managing, especially when you're the minority or are the underdog, and have less power.
Women can use humor to make memorable points without being too "heavy."
It's a very powerful way to affect colleagues and superiors. In fact, with some intelligent yet difficult people, it
may be the only way to reach them. If you can educate in a way that doesn't diminish the person, you may win a friend.
As a consultant, I get my share of dumb questions, including my favorite, "How does your husband control you?"
My response is, "See this necklace? It's really a shock collar. One shock means call home. Two shocks means come home."
Why not use it?
If humor works so well, why don't more women administrators use it?
- Many think humor is out of place at work, especially in the serious world of higher education. But research shows the
powerful effects of humor: improved morale and creativity and productivity, decreased tension and new connections between
people, formed over a shared laugh.
- Some think being strong means being somber. But true leaders know humor is a sign of personal strength, intelligence and
quick-thinking...all useful traits for leaders.
- Some just aren't prepared. They think of the perfect response later...much too late to be useful.
The more you advance in higher education, the more you can expect insensitive, "heckling" questions, designed to embarrass
you.
The solution is to anticipate your strengths and vulnerabilities, and prepare the third type of "ad lib" response to
control the situation without alienating colleagues.
Rules to Make Humor Work
Here are a few simple rules to help you use humor to deflect difficult situations on the job:
- Avoid self-deprecating humor. Although it's tempting and makes you feel like one of the crowd, it can misfire and
encourage others to poke fun at your expense, diminishing your power and respect.
- Don't confuse silliness and humor. Use humor to empower yourself, not to entertain the troops.
- Never make a joke at another's expense, especially about something they are powerless to change, like race, sex,
ethnic background, or physical appearance.
- Memorize and practice your "ad-lib" responses. Work to perfect the timing, voice inflection, stance, and facial
expression so you can deliver without hesitation when the occasion arises...which it will, sooner or later.
- Be yourself. Responses should be natural. Stay in your own character, especially resisting the temptation to be
"one of the boys."
The Bottom Line
If you make a witty remark and nobody laughs, you've made progress. And you've gained another tool to gracefully handle
difficult colleagues and sticky situations, helping you succeed in your career in higher education.
And that's no joke.
Cowan-Gascoigne earned a BS from MIT and MBA from Harvard before founding The Leadership
Company, speicalists in leadership training for women.
This article was originally printed in the In Her
Own Words column in Women in Higher Education in May 1992.
